Why Were We Rushing This Morning?

Mommy must tell you she is very sorry that she waited so long to wake you up this morning. She had started reading her morning devotional, when something about what she was ready was just tugging on her. She had to write it down. Now you might not know, well actually you probably do, that Mommy loves to sing, especially Christian Music, though she is not always the best singer around, she can carry a tone. What does this have to do with anything? Well what Mommy was doing was writing down the lyrics to a song. Or at least that is what she hopes it is.

Here it is in its rough from written by your Mommy (Tricia A. Smith) Thursday, May 29, 2008 in Grandma C's home in Oroville, CA. Inspired by Romans 13:8-14(NIV).

Love is the Fulfillment

His love is the fulfillment,

the fulfillment of everything good.

With His love noone is hurting,

His love is the fulfillment of everything good.

Let no debt remain outstanding,

no not even one.

Let no debt remain outstanding,

except the one of love.

For His love is the fulfillment,

the fulfillment of everything good.

With His love noone is hurting,

His love is the fulfillment of everything good.

The time has come to wake up,

to wake up from your sleep.

Because our salvation is nearer,

nearer than when we first believed.

His love is the fulfillment,

the fulfillment of everything good.

With His love noone is hurting,

His love is the fulfillment of everything good.

The night is nearly over,

the day is almost here.

Put aside the things of the darnkess

and put on the armor of God.

For his love is the fulfillment,

the fulfillment of everything good.

With His love noone is hurting,

His love is the fulfillment of everything good.

Let no debt remain outstanding,

no not even one.

Let no debt remain outstanding,

except the one of love.

For His love is the fulfillment,

the fulfillment of everything good.

With His love noone is hurting,

His love is the fulfillment of everything good.

His love is the fulfillment of everything good.

Okay so it may be a little corny, but Mommy really likes it. Now only if she knew someone who could polish up the words and add it to some music. Oh well, it was probably just ment for her heart and mind and not ment for the rest of the world. Mommy knows that it would not have been good for you to be late for school, but sometimes you have to follow where God leads you even when you don't know why or what might come from it. Hoping and Praying that some day you will understand.

New 1 for the Record

New Record: Quickest to Pee diaper so full it over flows to clothing.
Time to Beat: 5 min.
Set By: Zachary Ray Smith

Baby, You simply amaze your mommy some days. Today was one of those days. Mommy had just gotten you out of bed and dressed for the day, including changing your diaper. You walked down the hall and into the living room, right in front of Mommy, you laid down on the floor next to the kitty while mommy took your dirty diaper and threw it in the garbage, mommy turned around and sure enough your pants were wet. Now how the heck did you do that! You had not even had anything to drink yet!!

2 Things @ School

Mommy was at your school 2 times yesterday. It was very interesting both times.

The first time Mommy was at the school she and Grandma C met with your teacher, the school psychologist, and the occupational therapist. Teacher wants you to go into a special extended day program when school starts back up in the fall and this is what the meeting was about. It was such a nice chance to talk with your teacher about how you are doing. She agrees that you should be higher on the spectrum with some of the things you are doing, but that's okay because you still amaze Mommy every day.

Now there was a down side to that meeting. The therapist said that she had already done the evaluation. Now that by itself is not an issue except that the darn lady did not let Mommy know that it was being done. Mommy had wanted to be there to see how things went. Now the therapist does feel that you do need Occupational Therapy, which is what Mommy, Grandma C, and your private Speech therapist have known for quite a while and had been highly recommended by your Dr at the MIND institute for some of your issues and for your sensory integration problems. So Yeah everyone agrees that you need services. That is great. Now here is where another big problem comes in. The therapist's recommendation is for only 15 mins 1 time per week. Now what exactly can you learn and deal with in only 15 mins. And maybe the 15 mins isn't as big of an issue and more that it is only once a week. Mommy would feel better if it were 15 mins 2 times a week. Over the summer you are supposed to be going to an Occupational Therapist that specializes in Sensory Integration. Mommy is really going to push in the fall that you have services 2 times a week, and if you do well over the summer. Mommy is going to really push that the time is longer than 15 mins a session. Both your Teacher and the Therapist seem to think that it is okay to limit your time because of a very limited attention span on your part, well Mommy wonders then how do you particiapte so well in a 50 min, 40 min, and 30 min session of speech therapy every week. Doesn't make sense. Plus the MIND Institute Dr specifically said that you should be receiving services at least 2 times a week for as long as you can handle. So Mommy will keep on top of this don't worry. Everyone wants what is best for you.

After the meeting was over Mommy and Grandma C went out and delivered part of her AVON books. Then Grandpa C came and got Grandma, while Mommy went back to your school for the second time. Now this time she actually went into your classroom. She was so happy to see that one of the Aides in your class is someone she went to Highschool with. They had Mommy scoot in really quick behind you so you couldn't see her. It took about 5 to 10 mins before you realized she was there. You leaned way back over your shoulder and saw her, then got the biggest grin on your face. They quickly had you change places with one of the other students on the other side of the circle so you could see Mommy. You did very well. You were a lot less engaged in the Circle time, but you did not try to get her, which was wonderful. You are growing into a wonderful big boy. When Circle time was over it was time to line up to go outside. You still did not try to get to Mommy, you sat right down on the line with everyone else, waiting to get counted so you could go outside. Mommy went outside with your class. You ran across the playground then came back and finally grabbed her hands, but then you were off and running again. Up and over the grassy mound, over to the climbing set, up the spiral climber, across the set, down the slide, into the "flintstone" style push car, back to the climber, over into the sand box then then Teacher J rang the cowbell that says it is time to get ready to go home. You went right in, didn't even look for Mommy, sat down on the going home line with everyone else, and when Mommy walked into the classroom from outside, you looked up at her and said "Bye, Mommy". You were so sure Mommy was leaving. Little did you know Mommy was taking you home with her. You finished getting your back pack and walking to the bus bench to wait. Several more times you told Mommy bye-bye. Finally before there was a fit because you could not get on the bus to go home,Mommy took you to get into the car. At first, you were not going to go with her, but you did and you got to wave good-bye to the bus driver as she drove by.

Then a wonderful treat, your daddy took you and mommy to Round Table Pizza to have their new buffet.

What a long, but wonderful day. Many things happend. The good and the not so good, but all in all it was an amazing day. You are growing into such an independent little man. Mommy loves you more than words. She screams with joy for your accomplishment, every little step forward is one step closer to things being better, and cries tears of sadness for every little set back, but through the ups and downs one thing will never change Mommy Loves YOU more than anything else and She will ALWAYS be there for YOU. Thank you so much for being such an amazing little person, who one day very soon, sooner than any one realizes, will be an amazing big person.

The Crazy Things that Mommies Wake Up and Think About in the Middle of the Night

With the crazy heat wave that went through the last 2 weeks, You and Mommy have been sleeping in the living room, where it is cooler. Grandpa C has not had the time to get the air conditioner put in the bedroom yet. You have been sleeping on your mini couch that folds out into a bed, and Mommy has been sleeping on the couch.

So when Mommy woke up because she needed to go potty at 5 a.m. on Saturday May 17 and saw you laying so sweet on your bed sound asleep this is what popped into her thoughs:

I spy with my little eye
Someone who likes to sleep all night and play all day.
Who could it be let me say
My special little guy
Zachary Ray!!!!

Okay, so Mommy is really silly, but do you know what that tells her? That your Mommy loves you more than anything, even more than sleeping. Love you little man.

From The Very Beginning (Part 7)

Baby let Mommy tell you again that she is not writing the tough stuff to upset you, but because some of this is important for you to know. Mommy does try to leave out the really difficult stuff or down play it as much as possible. As you get older, Mommy will share more details with you, but for now, this is what you get. (written may 23, 2007)

Slowly Daddy withdrew into himself more and more. Mommy really thought Daddy was mad at her. Not just a little mad, but huge mad. He would not answer her when she talked to him. When he did answer her, he was very short with her. This made Mommy very sad. It got harder and harder to get Daddy's attention and also keeping it once she did get it. When he wasn't drinking, he was very angry. This part of the reason Mommy thought he was mad at her.

One day Daddy said something about hearing dark voices at work. This really scared Mommy, but she didn't know what to do. He said the voice sounded like the voice of an evil bunny character from a horrible movie they had watched. This went on for a little while, then Daddy said that there were lots of people with black eyes. Not just dark eyes, some people do have a very dark brown color to their eyes, but this was not what he was talking about. He really ment that the people's eyes were all dark (black) no white at all. Daddy finally admitted that he had been hearing voices talking to him even when no one was around. So not only was he seeing strange things, he was hearing them too. Talk about very scary stuff. Again Mommy is so glad that you were so very little and will never truely remember what was happening at the time. Sure you will have this to read, and you will have the information the family tells you as you get older, but no real memories or experiences.

Thank goodness at the time Mommy was working for a pretty good company and had medical insurance. Daddy finally realized that there was a real issue going on, and wanted to get. He didn't want Mommy to do it, he wanted to do it himself. Mommy gave him the phone number and he said he would call while she was at work. While he was on the phone with the guy from the insurance, another person called Mommy at work. It was sooo scary. The man said Mommy needed to go home and get Daddy to go to the hospital right away, that the closest one covered by the insurance was over an hour away, but that if she took him to the emergency room they would send him to someplace local and would be covered. By the time Mommy drove home from work, Daddy was out riding his bike. Mommy called Grandma and Grandpa C to watch you while Mommy took Daddy to the hospital.

You and Mommy stayed with Grandma and Grandpa C while Daddy was in the hospital. We went down every otherday to visit. He was there for 2 wks, from July 8 - 22. Because of Privacy issues, the people in the hospital were not telling Mommy anything. She asked for a special form and had Daddy fill it out. This allowed the hospital staff to talk freely with Mommy. Daddy finally came home, but things were just not the same. There were lots of things he was supposed to be doing, but he refused to do them. The dr wanted Daddy to go to anger management, AA, marriage counciling, medication management, and individual counciling. Dr also had given him medicine he was supposed to take and he was not taking it the way the Dr wanted him to.

While Daddy was in the hospital, her work gave her some personal time even though there really wasn't any left because of all the time off she had taken after you were born to spend all the time with you she could. Once Daddy was home Mommy had to go back to work. After 10 days,now into early August, Mommy received a huge package of papers from the hospital. This was full of papers telling about a lot of the things that happened while he was in the hospital. All the things Daddy had told her did not compare to how scary the stuff that was talked about in those papers. Mommy did n't feel safe anymore, especially because Daddy was not doing the things the Dr wanted him to, the way the Dr wanted him to. She went to work and talked to her boss. Let her know what was going on that Mommy had not slept well for over 3 days and had barely eaten anything. Mommy agreed to go to the Dr to get some medicine and stay somewhere other than at home with Daddy.

Mommy did go to the Dr. He gave her some medicine for depression and anxiety. You and Mommy stayed with Grandma and Grandpa C. Daddy was very sad. He wanted You and Mommy at home but that was not going to happen until he did the things the Dr wanted him to do. Mommy gave Daddy lots of chances. To start off with he did not come over to visit you and mommy for over a month. That hurt Mommy very much, but during this time, you and mommy went to visit Auntie AL and her family in Crescent City. That is a beautiful little town in Northern California, on the Pacific Coast right on the ocean. Though it was for a very sad reason, it was a wonderful trip.

Finally Daddy started coming to visit 2-3 days a week in September. Mommy was back off work again. She was going to counciling to help her work through the issues that were going on. Daddy kept thinking you and mommy were just going to go home, that he was not going to have to do the things the Dr wanted him to do. In October Daddy still was not getting that he needed to do the right thing, and that until he did you and mommy were not coming home. This made Daddy very angry. He would still come over to visit with you a couple times a week, but he would not talk to mommy at all. In November, Daddy decided to move in with Grandma S, so now the rest of your stuff had to be moved. Auntie S and Uncle S helped Mommy, Grandma C, and Grandpa C move stuff to the house and to a storage unit. Things continued to go bad. Finally Mommy went to the courthouse and picked up papers because she was going to file for a divorce from Daddy. She did not want to do it, but it seemed that this was the only option of what to do. This happened in January. Mommy went to a special place in Chico to have thme help her fill out the forms because they were confusing. The only thing left to do was to take them back to the courthouse to file them. This made Mommy soooo very, very sad. She never did turn them in. To this day she still has the packet of papers, but could never bring herself to turn them in. It just hurt too much. It really is a good thing that Mommy didn't do that. Then Mommy planned your first birthday and.......

Someone's Belly is Going to Start Growing

After such a busy morning, you will never gues what happened today. On the way home from Chico, Mommy got a message from Auntie S asking if we wanted to go have lunch. Since Mommy had already planned on going out, it sure sounded like fun for the 3 of us all to go. So we dropped Grandma C off at her house since she wasn't feeling well and drove the mile down the road to pick Auntie up at her house. Of course, Mommy is sure you can guess where we went, but she will give you a little hint, it starts with Round, ends with Pizza and says Table in the middle. Of course you know that this is the one of the families favorite place to go out to eat.

After we ordered the food, we were sitting at the table waiting. Auntie handed Mommy a card and says here take a look at this picture. Low and behold, Mommy opened the card and inside there was the most adorable picture she had seen in a while, well except for all of the amazing shots she has taken of you of course. There was an ultrasound picture inside, a special picture taken of the baby that is growing in Auntie's belly. That is right sometime around Thanksgiving there should be a new little cousin for us all to love. We can hardly wait to meet that little bundle of joy.

After lunch, we went and hung out at Auntie's house. She let you touch her belly. She is not really showing yet, but you have been fascinated with bellies for a long time. The next 8 months are going to be the most amazing thing for you to experience. Hopefully Auntie will be patient with you and let you do a lot of belly touching as it grows along the way.

Congratulations Auntie S and Uncle S. We love you and can't wait to meet the new addition to the family.

Ability Grows

Today was another wonderful day for you little man. You, Mommy, and Grandma got up and drove to Chico. Yes, I know, Chico again. But this was different. We went to a wonderful little place called The Litte Red Hen. It is a nursery where they grow all kinds of different plants. There was an extra special reason we were there though. On the 1st and 3rd Saturday of every month, there is a special group that meets there. It is called Ability Grows. Today you got to meet several little boys and girls who have Autism just like you do. There was an art project that Mommy helped you with. It was in honor of Cinco Day Mayo, which is a special Spanish Holiday. I believe to celebrate Mexico's independence, just like the 4th of July is for us in the U.S. The project was to make a little red chili pepper pinata out of green tissue paper and red crepe paper. It turned out really cute. There was also snack, but you only wanted the Razzleberry juice box and that is perfectly okay. You drank the whole thing. But Mommy thinks the most fun you had was playing in the water of the broken facet. It was just a trickle of water, but it was making a beautiful mud puddle, which of course you decided was where you wanted to play. Hey that's okay too. The sensory exploration you got from that was very important. Good thing Mommy thinks ahead. She made sure to pack a change of cloths, to bad she forgot extra socks and shoes.
You had such a good time. Mommy hopes that we can go back in wks. Something to look forward to. YIPPEE!!!!!

The Things that Entertain Us

Zach, you should know, if you don't already that your Mommy is very easily entertained. The simplest things make her happy. She also loves to laugh and that also comes quite easily. Thank goodness you inherited that lightheartedness.

Today you and Mommy went outside in Grandma and Grandpa C's front yard. You slid down the slide while Mommy watched. Mommy chased you, and you chased Mommy too. But the most entertaining thing for both of you was sitting on the ground under the cedar tree, digging your hands in the needles and dirt, and letting it run through your hands like sand. It was just amazing to watch how intreged you were, the wonder in your eyes, the wanting to experience something new, and then the actual action.

Then there was playing peek-a-boo around the tree. The gleam in your eye every time Mommy said "Boo" explained it all, but of course there was that beautiful smile that stretches from ear to ear that was an added benefit.

Thank you for putting a smile on Mommy's face today. You truely are special. Mommy hopes you know that from now until forever.

The Sit-N-Spin

Well Mommy just wanted to make sure you were aware of how special you are. Mommy loves you more than words. You were so cute last night. For your Christmas Auntie S, Uncle S, and Cousin C got you a Sit-N-Spin. So for the last several months, someone (maybe Mommy or Grandma C or somebody else) would put you on it and spin you, but you would just sit there like you had no clue what was happening. Well last night was a first for you. You initiated sitting on the contraption and you actually took ahold of the wheel and spun yourself around about 3 or 4 times. It was simply amazing. You sure know how to put a smile on your Mommy's face. Keep up the good work Little Man.

Oh Poop!!!!

Just be for warned. This post might contain what most people would consider TMI. If you are quesy or easily made so, you might want to skip this one.

As if being sick for a week has not been bad enough, tonight you just through Mommy for a loop. After dinner, you got cleaned up and decide that you did not want to take a shower. You did want to go lay on Mommy's bed and got to sleep. This would have been wonderful if that is what you did. Oh no. You kept runny from the bedroom to the front room and back. This is not unusal; it is just part of your night routine to get yourself to sleep, but tonight you did something new. You came running out of the bedroom into the hall. You had not only taken off your pants, you had taken off your diaper. Mommy will admit this is not something new, but the fact that you were covered from head to toe in poop sure was. After you had taken your diaper off, you both pooped and peed on the floor in Mommy's bedroom. YUCK!! Then you smeared it all over your legs, up your tummy, on your chest, on your arm, and on your face up into your hair. DOUBLE YUCK!!! You absolutely amaze your Mommy sometimes. With all the mess all over you, there was not any, anywhere else, well except for the pile on the floor. You also managed not to get any on your pants and a just a little on the front of your diaper, but none on the back. Mommy is still wondering how you managed to do that. But the thing that really bothered Mommy the most was after I had put you in the shower to clean you up, YOU looked me straight in the eye (not something you do very often, by the way) and said YUMMY. GROSS, YUCK, DOUBLE YUCK, ICK!!!!

Now Mommy does know that this is something that some kids your age do, not just because of the problems you have. Mommy sure hopes that this is the last of these kinds of experiments. Mommy is pretty sure it won't, but it does not hurt to hope. Just always know that Mommy might not like the things that you say or do and might even get mad, Mommy will ALWAYS love you no matter what.

What is up with the SCREAMING?

Mommy really wishes she could figure out why you are having such a rough time the last couple days. You had been doing so well, but yesterday and today, almost evey time the smallest thing bugs you, you start screeching at the top of your lungs. Now we all know you have some words that you could be using, but it has been like we are torturing you to get you use them. Mommy sure does not like having to put you in time out, but sometime the only way to get around the screaming is let you work it out yourself, by yourself. Mommy hopes and prays that you things goes more smoothly. Always know that no matter what Mommy loves you more than anything. You are the most precious thing in her life and somedays the only thing in this world that is worth fighting for. Mommy just wishes you could tell her what is going on.

From The Very Beginning (Part 6)

After the bout with jaundice, things went fairly well. Though there were multiple trips to the Drs. office and several visits to our house from the lactation consultant, all still seemed to be going well. But unfortunately when you were 28 days old, you ended up back in the hospital. You were 4 wks old and still had not made it back up to your birth weight. Your Dr had said that if it were not for the fact that every time she said to come in for a check up that Mommy and Daddy made sure you were there she would have put you in the hospital a whole lot sooner. You were classified failure to thrive. Mommy tried everything possible to get that milk to come in for you, but it just did not happen. Mommy tried Brewer's yeast, Fenagreek, Reglan, pumping, nursing you, and more pumping. Know the Mommy really did try very hard. While you were in the hospital they would weigh you, Mommy would nurse you, and then they would weigh you again. They found out that Mommy just was not producing enough milk and that you were burning more calories eating than you were getting in the maybe 1/2 an oz. When Mommy and Daddy started supplementing formula in earnest, you started growing by leaps and bounds. Still had to take you to the nursery at the hospital every other day for about 2 wks to get you weighed to show that you were still growing well. Auntie AL did the most amazing thing. She started increasing her supply and started pumping and freezing the extra. Eventually it got here and you loved every sip of it. Lots of people thought we were crazy, but Mommy really thinks that is why you have been so healthy. Between the antibodies that you got from Mommy's milk and the different ones from Auntie AL, you were truly blessed. Thank you to Auntie AL for doing all that work, to T for sharing, and to Uncle N for agreeing that it would be a wonderful way for their family to bless ours. The Lord truly works in amazing ways. Know that lots of people thought we were all very weird, but it was worth every strange look to provide you with the best things in life, and that at the time was truly the best thing every.

Things continued to go well. At some point within the first two weeks after your birth, your Dr. did do your circumcision but she sure botched the job. She did not take off enough of your foreskin and this is a constant problem still today. Hopefully as you get older that you will grow out of it.

Now originally Daddy was going to stay home and take care of you and Mommy was going to go back to work, but then Daddy realized that taking care of you was just more than he could handle and he renewed is efforts to find a job. Believe me this was not because he didn't want to send time with you, actually it was the opposite. He loved you soooo much that he realized that was just not something he was going to be able to do. When you were about 2 wks old, Daddy was finally able to get a job working out at Feather Falls Casino, the Taco Bell/Pizza Hut Express. The boss really liked his work and wanted him to learn everything. She did the best she could to make sure that he had full time all of the time, but that ment that she kept moving him from one schedule to the next. Daddy started having all kinds of trouble sleeping and kept drinking more and more. It was really yucky and Mommy is so glad that you were too little to remember. Mommy would get up every morning, do her best to keep you quiet so Daddy could sleep, clean the house and then go to Grandma C's house. On May 11, Mommy went back to work. She was so sad to have to do that, but it was necessary. At least you were going to be spending lots of time with Grandma and Grandpa C and Cousin C. Mommy felt good about that. It took a while for her to get back into the swing of things, but she was able to and then again things seemed to be going okay for a while.

Between not getting enough sleep, the drinking, and something that was obviously already wrong that no one knew about, Daddy started having some real problems. Then in July 2005, the scariest thing to happen yet, even worse than the hospital recovery nurse....

Mommy's Prayer Tonight

Dear Heavenly Father, Please be with my little man. Help him to continue to improve. Help me to keep my eyes open and aware that though the days can be tough that there is nothing more special than this precious gift that you placed in my life; to nurture and love, to cultivate and guide, to show your way and truth, and live the plan that you have designed for us. Please give me the strength to continue through the rough days and celebrate the good days. Ultimately knowing that because you died for us that we might live, that we receive the wonders of cherishing each and every day that we are blessed to live in.

I thank you God for finding me worthy of the journey I am on. Please continue to guide me in your way, your truth. Show me the plan that you have in store for us. Point me in the right direction and come along side me to guide me into your righteousness. Open my eyes that I might understand what it is that needs to be done. But ultimately Lord help me to understand your will.

Thank you Father for your awe inspiring sarifice of your one and only Son. Not until I was a mother did I truely understand even a fraction of what that could felt like. Thank you Dear Jesus for doing your father's will and giving us the examples of the life we should live.

All this I pray in the name of your Son Jesus Christ. Amen.

The Visit

On Friday, March 28, 2008, Auntie AL and the kids (L, B, C and T) came down to visit Grandma L. What a wonderfl Birthday present for Mommy, well actually it was for Grandma L, whose birthday is April 2.

On Sunday, Auntie and the kids went to church with Mommy, Daddy, Grandma C, and you. T got to stay in the nursery with you which was cool. Then after church, we all went out to lunch at BK. Not Mommy's favorite, but what Auntie wanted since it was the only thing that was sitting well on her preggo belly. It was nice. You got to go outside and play with the kids on the playground, while Mommy, Daddy, Grandma C, and Auntie AL talked. Auntie AL and the kids went to Grandma L's house and the rest of us went home. Auntie AL came over to Grandma C's house later with T, but you fell asleep after Auntie AL called, but before they got here.

On Wednesday, you and Mommy went out to Grandma L's to visit. Before we went over there, we went to Grandma S's house to have Daddy sign some papers. You walked up the steps all by yourself. What a good job. Then you walked in and you went over and gave Grandma S a great big hug. You sat down and ate your dinner while Mommy filled out the papers Daddy needed to sign. Because Grandma S has bad hearing, the TV was really loud and got you a little wound up, but not too bad. When it was time to leave you walked down the steps all by yourself without even holding onto the railing. Oh my goodness was Mommy ever so proud of you.

While driving out to Grandma L's house, Mommy was talking to you about who was going to be out there and all of the sudden Mommy realized that maybe this was not the best idea. There was going to be Grandma L, Grandpa B, Uncle L, Auntie AL, L, B, C, TH, Uncle J, TM, Mommy and you, not to mention the cat and the two dogs. Uncle L is also hard of hearing and so the TV was really loud there too. For the first 10 to 15 minutes you were so overwhelmed and this was frustrating Mommy, which of course in turn was frustrating you. What a bad cycle. Things finally settled down. You had such a wonderful time playing with T. He was up in your face, tackling you, and chasing you over the furniture and around the house. Mommy was sooo proud of the wonderful interaction you were doing with TH. It showed such improvement compared to any other interaction Mommy had seen you do, other than with Cousin C, which just is not quite the same. But then TM showed up with Uncle J and really opened Mommy's eyes. Watching TM and TH playing together, interacting together and Mommy's joy crumbled. Though you have improved by leaps and bounds, and believe me baby Mommy is still so proud of you no matter what, this just showed how much farther you have to go to be up to mainstream. Also showed Mommy how adaptive TH is. He was able to play with you on your level and then switch gears and play on level with TM. You will continue to grow and change and get better all the time. Mommy hopes and prays that some day there will be no obvious difference between the 3 of you, other than the 5 weeks that separates you the youngest and TH the oldes, that is only 5 weeks.

Thank you TH for opening Auntie Trish's eyes, it sure put things into perspective and for that I am forever in your debt. You will never know how much you have helped. Love you so much. Can't wait to talk to you on the phone soon.

From the Very Beginning (Part 5)

At 9:01 p.m. weighing in at 7 lb 7-1/2 oz and measuring 19 in you, Zachary Ray Smith, were born. Daddy was there and went with you down to the nursery, while they took finished things up with the surgery and took mommy to the recovery room.

Let Mommy tell you that not all people in the hospital are very nice at all. As I was coming out of the anesthesia in the recovery room, I was having a nightmare and couldn't breath. Mommy had something similar happen when she had her tonsils out in High School. Mommy pulled at the oxygen mask and the nurse yelled at me. Here is how it kind of went.

Nurse: "Tricia stop. Tricia stop that. Do you know where you are?"
Mommy: "Yes, I am at the Hospital in Oroville."
Nurse: "Do you know why you are here?"
Mommy: "Yes, I am having a baby."
Nurse: "That's right. Now do you want to die and leave that beautiful baby all alone? Stop pulling at that mask."
Mommy: "But it is so cold, I can't breath, get this thing off my face."
Nurse: "fine if you want to die, what do I care."

I am not sure how much longer it was before I was taken back to our room. Daddy got to hold you and rock you and give you a bottle of sugar water. This was nice for thing for Daddy, bonding that he needed with you, but it was also the next step of messing things up for Mommy being able to breast feed you. Once I was in our room, I did try to nurse you but they were concerned about some sort of levels were off. So off they wisked you to the nursery to feed you while Mommy had to use a pump. You stayed in the room with me the rest of the time. Mommy just wishes that someone would have told me that you needed to be fed every 2 hrs and that if you were sleeping to wake you up.

We had a few visitors while we were in the hospital. Daddy came every day, but didn't stay very long because Mommy was tired a lot and kept falling asleep while he was talking. Grandma C, Teresa B, Auntie S, and Cousin C all came to visit. Grandpa C tried to come to see you, but unfortunately the incision site (from his appendectomy the week before you were born) opened and was bleeding and oozing. Poor Grandpa.

The Dr. did try to send us home on Friday, but Mommy just wasn't ready. We did go home on Saturday. That day Mommy and Daddy got to have our celebration steak dinner, after Mommy finally got to have a shower. The beautiful little outfit Mommy and Daddy picked out to take you home was waaaaaaay to big, but you wore it anyway. After we left the hospital we went straight to the Pharmacy to pick up Mommy's pain medicine. When we pulled up outside, Daddy didn't think to help Mommy out of the car (bad Daddy), but 1 of Grandma C's friends, Alice, was outside (thank goodness) and helped Mommy out of the car. We all went inside. Your first stop out of the hospital and Yes at 4 days old you were in public. Then we went to visit Grandma S and Marvin at Grandma's house. We were there for several hours. Oh Mommy was so tired. We finally went home.

Mommy was having problems getting in and out of bed, so she slept sitting up on the couch. Oh was this ever a big mistake. She did not think about propping her legs up and boy did she pay for it. Mommy woke up in the middle of the night with her legs hurting and swollen. Mommy called the nurseline from the health insurance company and the recommended calling the Dr. right away. So at 2 a.m. Sunday morning Mommy was calling the Dr.'s exchange. They woke him up, poor guy. He said get those legs up, drink lots of water, and not to worry. At about 11 a.m. he called to check on Mommy and she was doing much better.

You had your first Dr. visit on Tuesday. You were doing okay but your weight was down, but at this point she was not too concerned about it. She was a little concerned about your billirubin count and had us go over to the hospital to have your blood checked. You were feeling so out of it that you didn't even cry when they clipped your heal. Then we went home. Later Mommy got the phone call saying that you had jaundice (high levels of billirubin) so they wanted you in the hospital under special billilights to help. You had to stay in the hospital overnight. While there you had to stay under this special light. Nothing on but a diaper and a special eye protector. The hospital had so many babies with jaundice that they had to call other hospitals to try to get extra units in. There were so many ladies there having babies that they did not have a place for Mommy to stay while you were there. Mommy and Daddy went reluctently home but were back first thing in the morning. Luckily that was all it took and we were able to take you home shortly after we arrived to visit you in the morning. At some point between when we went home from the hospital on Saturday and you went back into the hospital on Tuesday, we did go to visit Grandpa and Grandma C at their house.

Tears of Joy

You probably knew that you, Mommy, and Grandma C go shopping a lot. Well today while we were at Wal-mart in Chico helping grandma pick out material for some quilts she is making for church. You said it to me. Plain as day sweetie. Tears of joy running down, grandma worried about mommy and asked what's wrong. Of course nothing was wrong. Everything was right. For the first time today you said, "I Love You." This was music to my ears. Just in case you don't know I Love You, too. What a marvelous day.

From the Very Beginning (Part 4)

Mommy had another Drs appt at 11:00 on Wednesday, February 2, 2005. While there Dr checked and now Mommy is not 6 cm dialated. Dr said meet you over at the hospital, that baby is coming today. So Mommy and Daddy went over to the hospital and Mommy was sent to the Labor and Delivery Department to get ready for your arrival this was about 1 pm. They were concerned because Mommy's blood pressure was sooooo high. Something like 165/100+ it was scary. I recommend if ever possible to avoid let people training in the medical field not to do anything on you if at all possible. I had Male Paramedic Trainee trying to put in my IV. He tried twice and didn't get it. Then the trainee nurse got a shot. She didn't get it either. Then finally one of the more seasoned nurses tried and got it in with no problems. It still hurt but she actually got it in. Dr came in to see how things were progressing. Before he got to check the water had already broke and now Mommy was back down to 4 cm. How very frustrating. They were giving Mommy medicine (pitocin) that was supposed to be helping you come faster I guess, but no one ever told me what was going on. They had the medicine cranked up so high that the contractions were literally coming one on top of the other. One would start, go up, peak, come down, and then the next one started immediately after that. It was horrible and uncomfortable. They gave me some pain meds, which basically stopped the contractions. They checked several times but never got passed 4 cm. At 8 pm Dr J wanted to do a C-Section. I didn't want to. He said he would give me another 1/2 hour. Came back in still nothing so at 8:30 they started prepping me for surgery. And then....

Happy Easter 2008

I can't believe that Easter is already hear. Happy Easter 2008 to all, but especially you my precious son. Mommy loves you more than anything. It has come over several times recently; thinking about how much I love you; and realizing that this is how much God loves us all, that this is the reason He sent His Son to earth to suffer on the cross as our sacrificial lamb, to die for our sins, to taste death, be buried for 3 days, but then rise to life again to share with us the grace and mercy God provides, and to send us a precious gift of the Holy Spirit to be our comforter and guide. Thank you God for all the wonderful gifts you have given us.
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On another note. Friday was the one of the two best days you have had in the last 3 months. The first one was in January. You woke up in a good mood, got dressed, ate breakfast, went into the nursery at church, were good there, got in the car, you were hungry but when told had to wait a little bit to eat did not fuss, drove to Chico and sat in the back seat chating away, went to the movies and saw The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything Movie (Veggie Tales), ate popcorn and drank soda, sat through the movie no fussing, had wet clothes change, got those wet too, went to K-mart and tried on several outfits so that you had some dry clothes, went out to eat, within 5 mins of getting into the car to drive home you were asleep, slept all the way home, didn't wake up when got you out of the car carried you into the house and put you down in your crib and slept for a while longer, woke up again in a great mood, eat diner, took shower, went to bed and went to sleep with no fussing. Talk about one Blessed day. I could not belive it. It is one for the record books thus the reason why Mommy is noting it here in your journey.

So just like the day in January, Friday was remarkable. You got up in a great mood. You ate breakfast and then got into the car and spent 2 hours delivering Avon orders with Grandma C. We ate lunch, then loaded up in the car and drove to Chico with Grandma C, Auntie Sarah, and Mommy. We went to Kohl's and got you some short sleeve dress shirts and shorts for summer. Tried on 3 pairs of shoes but none fit. Went next door to The Shoe Pavillion and tried on several more pairs of shoes. Still none of them fit. Went to the mall. Walked all the way down to Sears and looked around the store, then walked back down to where Auntie was at New York & Company. Grandma went in, You and Mommy went down to Payless Shoes. You tried on 11 different pairs of shoes and did not fuss once. I was so proud of you. Stood around waiting for Auntie and Grandma to meet us but they were taking forever, so we walked to where they were at. Then back to Payless. After all that we still went over and walked through Costco with Grandma while she did some shopping. We got you some 3 piece pj sets for summer. We got back into the car and ate hot dogs on the way home. You were up very late, but you were not being fussy at all. You had already taken a shower and got dressed for bed. Finally you went to sleep. Another wonderful day. Thank God for the good days. We all treasure them as much as possible to help us through the not so good days.

From the Very Beginning (Part 3)

Nothing to eventful happened after that. Christmas 2004 was very special. Both Grandma C and Auntie Sarah made sure to get you something even though you obviously were not going to be able to open it or even use it yet, but sure was sweet of them to think of you.

Auntie Sarah put on a wonderful baby shower for you January 22. Lots of people came and you got lots of things that you needed. It was wonderful. Mommy went to see her Dr. on January 26. He said that you were getting ready to be born because she was already 1 cm dialated. He finally took me off work. Finally some rest. After working 65+ hrs a week for so long, Mommy wasn't sure what to do with herself. Mommy and Daddy did a lot of cleaning and just getting things ready for when you would come home.

January 31 Daddy drove Mommy to her job so she could hand out her thank you notes for all your gifts and she really wanted to see Missy to say happy birthday. Unfortunately Missy wasn't there and Mommy's boss, Susan, gave her a bad time for being away from home when you could be here anytime. Went back to town and went to Wal-mart. Of course by now you know that is one of Mommy's favorite places to shop. Mommy started having contractions while she was walking through the store. They were coming every 5-10 minutes bute weren't too bad. Just had to stop walking and do a little breathing. This lasted for several hours. They never got closer together and they never got stronger. By that night they had stopped all together. You just were not ready yet....

From the very Beginning (Part 2)

Because Mommy was not sure when her last period had actually started, the Dr. had her go get and ultrasound done. That was the first day that Mommy and Daddy got to see you. It was truly amazing. From the measurements they took that day, now they thought that you were not quite as old as the Dr. had originally thought and now they were saying you should be born on February 18, 2005. Boy you had them fooled. I will talk more about that later.

Things kept moving along just nicely. You were growing. Mommy was working a lot but enjoyed helping her boss and her co workers. The training that it gave Mommy was wonderful and will be helpful in her future when she is done with school. Mommy always loved teaching and the opportunities she got to do this was great. Though Mommy was tired from working so much, Daddy did his best to make sure the house was clean and the meals were cooked. He really wanted to work ( and still does ), but just could not get anyone to hire him. And worse was once they did he had a very hard time keeping the job. Not something that we want to dwell on, but very important to how your journey plays out.

Mommy remembers when she first felt you moving inside her and it was the most wonderful feeling. Now some bad things did happen. I am sad to have to say them but again they need to be said so we all understand how things got to where we are today. Daddy has had a problem getting to and staying asleep for a long, long time, now we know it was because he has high blood pressure, but back then we had no clue, so Daddy did start drinking a beer every night to help with this. Well as with most things, he started to grow a tolerance to it and had to drink more and more. He would go periods of time without it, but would always have to start again. He was also very sad because he could get or keep a job. He didn't like Mommy having to work all the time. He started drinking more and worrying more and more about not having enough money. You are probably thinking what does this all have to do with what I was talking about, well here it is. Unfortunately Mommy being tired and Daddy being sad, drinking, and worried about money just didn't click together and we fought. Not just a little bit but a lot. One night Mommy and Daddy fought so bad that her belly clinched so tight she could not feel you moving anymore. This lasted all night and the next day. Mommy had to stay home from work and ended up going to see the Dr. up at the hospital. The Dr. checked to see if there was an infection and there wasn't. Also checked to see if you were trying to come way to early but that was not it either. You were safe and sound. Mommy was just too stressed and the fighting did not help. After that Mommy and Daddy sure did fight a lot less. Nothing was worth causing you any more problems. Mommy was so sad and scared because she rarely ever felt you move again. When I would get too scared or worried I would use the special machine that let me hear your heart beating that let me know that you were still growing nicely and completely unaware of the things that were going on outside of your safe haven in Mommy's tummy.

At 20 weeks, the dr. had another ultrasound done. Can you believe that after those measurements the dr. was now saying that you still were not as old as they thought and you should not be born until February 22, 2005. At the time it didn't make sense. It still doesn't knowing when you were born. Like I said you sure had that dr. completely fooled.

From the very Beginning (Part 1)

Mommy and Daddy on Valentine's Day 2008

So Zachary this is how your Journey begins. A loving Mommy and Daddy finally decide to start trying to conceive their first child. The last week in June 2004, 3 weeks after they have celebrated their 7th anniversary and been trying for a year, the Mommy jokingly says to Grandma C., "If I don't get pregnant in a couple of months, hubby needs to be checked out." Needless to say, this did not need to happen, because on July 5, 2004, the one and only hpt was taken and came up positive. Mommy is Pregnant. Yippee!!! Mommy calls Auntie Sarah to tell her, since it will be awhile before she sees her again. Grandma and Grandpa C come over to Mommy and Daddy's house to visit. This is when they tell them that they are going to be grandparents. It was a very special day.

For the first couple weeks, everything seemed to be going good, but then Daddy was terminated from his job. This was a really tough blow for us all. Daddy had only been working there for 8 weeks, bu there really was nothing we could do. Just about the same time, Mommy's boss found a wonderful project for her to do. This ment a bunch more hours at work, but that was okay, it also ment a bunch more money to take care of you, Mommy, and Daddy.

In August, Mommy had her first Drs. appointment and heard your little heart beating. It was the most precious sound she had ever heard in her entire life up to that point. That day they decided that you were going to be born on February 11, 2005.

The Beginning

Today is my first attempt to start blogging. I have been meaning to start this journey for Zachary along time ago, but was never able to figure it out. Zachary was recently diagnosed with Autism (PDD NOS) and wanted to share his story with others.

Now that I have figured this out I will right more at another time. Thank you for stopping by.