Are You Trying to Give Us a Heart Attack!!!!

Well my little hubba bubba boy, what in the world is Mommy supposed to with you. You gave her the scare of her life yesterday. Cousins C and B, you, and Mommy were out on a walk yesterday. We walked for at least 20-30 minutes. You did wonderfually. You held Mommy's hand, you listened, you kept up, and then when the four of you went into the pet store, things seemed to start out as usual. Gotta look to see if there are any bunnies and there were lots. Then over to say hi to Sam and Buster the macaws. Next look at the rest of the birds and over into the fish. Mommy has to put her hand on the lid so you don't get into the tank. Brief look at the tortise and lizards, skirting around the chinchilla to see the kitties. Again there were lots. Another hi to Sam and Buster on the other side of their cages. Back up to see the bunnies. You were trying to pull on the poor bunnies ears and Mommy tried to stop you.

Well that is when things changed. You headed around the display with the mice and rats in it. Then turned to head up the other side of the display, or so Mommy thought. Nope. Nothing doing. Instead out the front door you go. It was open, which it usually isn't and when it is you normally pay no attention. Oh if only you had done that, but NOOOOO. You decided today was the day you were going to run out the door, across the few short steps of the sidewalk, and without hesitation dash right into the middle of traffic, coming inches from getting hit by a big truck, and then kept running. Thank goodness the truck didn't hit you, thank goodness you stopped, thank goodness Mommy caught up to you, and thank goodness C was with baby B. Of course, Mommy didn't hesitate she dashed out the door after you into the middle of the street and grabbed you, poor C and B left in the pet store without a second thought about it. When we got back to the pet store to pick up the cousins and go back around the corner to the car and talk to Grandma C, the poor owner of the pet store, D, was just as scared as Mommy was, as well as the rest of the people who saw what happened. Mommy agrees with what D had to say "God knows how you are and was watching over you." There is no doubt in Mommy's mind that this is true. But PLEASE don't test God like that again. Not sure that Mommy or anyone else can handle that.

Thank God that Mommy has such great friends. She has gotten some great suggestions on how to work with you on stopping when told to, and other things like that. And just the cyber hugs, love, and prayers, they mean the world to her too. People who have never met you are doing what they can to help you and Mommy to make sure things like this don't happen again.

Just remember, no matter what you do, Mommy still loves you.

Eating Progress

Well little man, another great night for you. Mommy is so very proud. This makes twice that you have eaten the bell peppers (red and green), onions, and meat (chicken and steak) for fajitas. Who cares that you didn't eat the tortillas too or the store bought taquitos. You eat enough grains without it. Once again this is a big achievement, which gives more opitions for dinners for Mommy, Grandma C and Papa to fix. This makes us all so very happy.

Keep it up sweet boy.

Spring Performance 2010 and other stuff

Little man what can Mommy say? Once again you amazed me. On Sunday, you, along with the rest of the pre-k/kinders at OroNaz particiapted in the Spring Performance. Your SS teacher was soooooo insistent that you be able to participate. This makes Mommy soooo very happy. Not once but three times she asked. She even volunteered to go out there with you to make sure that you were safe. thank you soooo much Teacher O. So maybe you didn't exactly sing the songs the way they were ment to be sung, and maybe you didn't do the body movements they way there ment to be done, but you did go up on that stage like the big boy you are and marched to the drum your own way, the best way you know how. You did your special spinning dance to the music. and whether you know it or not, mommy was able to tell that you were at least mouthing the words, if you weren't singin, and you were doing the hand movements, even while you spun.

Mommy is sooooo very proud of you Zach. How could she not be? and once again God has shown himself in ours lives. Proved to us again that OroNaz is an amazing church, and the place to be. No other church she has heard of has been so willing to let someone special like you participate the way you did and just let you be all that you can be the way you can be. That truly is the love of God shining through. And the best part little guy, is that you wanted to go back up there, in front of everyone and continue to participate, even though it was no longer your turn. You have grown by leaps and bounds in the last couple years, and you will continue to do so.

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Then tonight you proved to mommy that it wasn't just a fluke. You ate home made hamburgers again. YIPPEE!!!!!! this is such wonderful news to Mommy and Grandma. It lets us expand the things that can be fixed at home, which of course makes it better for you.

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Mommy is pretty sure there was other stuff that she wanted to share, but unfortunately, she did not get back here quick enough and has forgotten what they were. Just know that there are so many wonderful things that you share and even if they are not posted here, they are treasured in her heart now and forever. You are one special little boy.

MOMMY LOVES YOU SOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My precious boy. There are so many days i wish i could figure you out.

Why do you love fiesta potatoes "tatos", bean burritos "ritos", and crunch wraps "traps" soooo much? You could eat them almost every day and sometimes even 3 times a day.

Why do you love the water soooo much? Regardless if it is a tiny drop on the ground, the rain falling from the sky, the pool, the ocean, or just a commercial.

Why do you love The Price is Right soooo much? Is it really Drew Carey, i doubt it. Is it the numbers, much more likely. or is it the ladies, possibly but i don't think so. The lights, the clapping, the excitement, the fast pace, all possibilities alone or together.

You just simply amaze Mommy, she loves you with all her heart.

Mother's Day 2010

Things continue to be quiet, but not completely okay. Something is up with you little man. i really think it is allergies. You have no way of communicating appropriatly that your head hurts or that you feel yucky. Mommy knows that we are working on it, but it is hard to deal with the meltdowns which seem to be your only way of letting her know that something is up. the only problem with that is that you are not able to get across what exactly is up. Praying some day you are.

Something wonderful happened a couple of days ago. The teacher's from your school sent home a page that had your name printed on it, and clearly a second set of letters drawn over the top. To mommy's amazement, it said that this was the first time you had traced your name without adult help. Way to Go, Zach!!!!!! Mommy knew you could do it. Now if she could only get you to repeat it.

Mommy also has to let you know just how silly you can be. Mommy found you trying to put a shirt on a hanger. Of course that is where it belongs, with the exception that you were still wearing the shirt at the time. Another one of those things that Mommy is going to have to straighten out for you. She was just happy that you were making the effort. Also have to say, what a good job you are doing working with her to learn how to put on your own pullups and pants. Not there yet, but Mommy knows that with some work you will get there some day.

Mother's Day 2010 has been a wonderful day. You, Mommy, Grandma C, Grandpa C and Auntie all went to church. Then we all met Uncle S, Cousins B and C at Papacitos for lunch. You did have a little bit of a meltdown because the restraunt was not open yet when we got there, and you just didn't want to wait to eat. Other than that you did a great job. And Mommy loves the card you got her, even if you didn't pick it out. She saw that you did your best to sign it, and she is soooo proud of that. After lunch, we went home. Grandpa went to bed because he has to work tonight, but you, mommy and grandma c watched part of the Scooby Doo marathon that was on TV and then eventually went into town to go shopping. Mommy still cannot figure out why we spend so much time at the store. Then home again. Ate dinner and watched some more TV, and right now you are lying next to Mommy fast asleep. She loves you little man more than words could ever explain, and she knows even though you really can't tell her that you love her too.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY 2010.

Look What the Wind Blew In

Well little man, mommy is just about ready to have a meltdown of her own. It is now 2 days since meltdown day. Things have been better, but oh my, you are still having off days. Mommy is thinking that it is probably from all the allergens kicked up in the air from the wind.

All I can say is whatever it is that the wind has blown in, I wish it would blow it right out again. Praying tomorrow is a better day.

What Crazy Days We Have Had

Yesterday was a long day little man. You woke up at 3:30 a.m. Yes, in the morning when it is still dark outside. Mommy changed your pullup, because it was wet, and took you back to bed. Finally at 5, Mommy turned the TV on so you could watch Lilo and Stitch, and then turned it to Animal Plant so that you could watch Most Extreme, so she can try to get some more rest before it is time to get up and get ready for the day.

So what do you do little cutie??

Of course, you decide to climb on the top bunk of your bed to play. Not really a problem, except Mommy had left the window cracked open to get the fresh air in your room. What does that have to do with anything. Hmmmm. Let's see. You then decided to push the screen out, bending it horribly, and one by one throw your stuffed animals out of the window. Oh my what a mess.

Mommy wanted to make you help her clean up the mess, but you would have thought that a treat, to go outside and play. Oh well. The things we do for love.

We made it through the day. YIPPEEE!!!! and you were asleep and in your bed by 7:30. To top it off, you slept all the way through the night until 6:30. YEAH!!!!

We both were having a good day when Mommy picked you up from school. Now when we got home there was something different going on.

You wanted to go outside sooooo bad to kick the ball with Mommy and cousin C. Unfortunately it took us a while to FINALLY find the kick ball. We experienced Meltdown #1.

The three of us were having so much fun , but you kept getting distracted by the rose bushes and Grandpa's ladder that was leaning against the tree. C picked up a rose that had fallen on the ground. You wanted to be just like him, sooooo you decided to try to pick one right off the bush. Mean old Mom made you stop. C being the precious boy he is gave you the one he picked up. All Mommy wanted you to do was tell C thank you. Not really much to ask, but Meltdown #2 ensued.

We got through that, and Mommy decided to stay outside because we were having fun. Darn that curiousty of yours. It gets in the way. You just HAD to try to climb the ladder. Not Safe. Mommy decided the best thing to do was get it down and lay it on its side. Well now we have Meltdown #3. Poor little cousin B. She was very upset. She had climbed up on the couch and was looking out the window, crying her little eyes out, because you were so upset.

Mommy finally wrestled you inside and you wouldn't settle down no matter what. So Mommy had you go to your room. After about 10 minutes, you seemed to be doing better, so you came out in the living room with the rest of us, but after about 5 minutes, you lost it again. Meltdwon #4. Back to your room you go. No fun. Mommy decided the best thing to do is just let you fuss and fume, while she just sits in there with you. Finally, you settled down and asked to watch a Veggie Tales movie, Gideon the Tube Warrior. And that is what we did.

This all happened in just about 1 1/2 hours. Oh my. Hoping and praying that the rest of the day goes better for you my sweet boy.

We are soooo very lucky that you have such precious cousins. C who knows, though may not understand, that you can't help your meltdowns and does his best to help you with them by giving you what you want, even if it means giving up something he wants. That is love and self-sacrifice, and at 8 yrs old, that is a big deal. Lucky!!! And B who is so intune with you that when you are upset she is too. Crying because you are crying. Wanting to find you when you are not in the room, and putting up with your signs of affection even if they are a little rough. Lucky indeed!!!!! Mommy thinks maybe Lucky is not the word for it. Little man we are Blessed.

THANK GOD, WE ARE BLESSED!!!!!

Pity Party

Okay son, you know I love you with all my heart, but why, oh why do you continue to fight me on everything. You are probably feeling the same way. there are so many things that I wish were different, and then of course I feel guilty for wanting them different. What the heck am i supposed to do. I am at a loss. Crying doesn't help, being angry doesn't help, trying to be happy when I'm not doesn't help. Right now i truely mean nothing helps. Why didn't I listen to grandma and grandpa from the very beginning and stay far away from that man. Why didn't I listen to my gut and get out sooner. Why did I have to have a marriage that was doomed to fail before it even started. why did I have to have a husband who didn't really want his family. Why did I end up with the child with problems. Why do others not. Why do others get the things I want and just can't quite reach. Why, why, why, WHY!!!!!! Hopefully you will never see this and if you do, i pray that you understand that I was just having a down day and needed to get it all out so that it didn't consume me anymore that it already does. Believe me I feel guilty for all the whys and ultimately wouldn't changes things for the world, but sometimes, well just sometimes. Sigh.


I know that God has a plan. I am still not quite sure what it is. I am sure if I could ever slow down for just a second I might be able to hear what He is telling me. You my precious son are beautifully and wonderfully made by our Father in heaven. He has a plan for you too. Someday we might be able to figure it. For now, Just know that no matter what the ups and downs are, no matter how frustrated i get, underneath it all I love you more than words can say and that you are the most important person in the world to me.

Still MIA

Well my sweet man. I am still having a difficult time getting myself to this place. Look it has now been more than a year since my last post. What in the world are we going to do. Between just dealing with day-to-day life with you and keeping up with school/work, it is absolutely hectic at all times. Sometimes I am not sure if I am coming or going.

If you can believe it, I know I have a hard time with it, you are already 5 years old and growing like a weed. You are advancing in so many ways, but still remain behind in so many others. It is frustrating. I want the best for you, and it just doesn't seem like I can find that happy middle ground. Maybe someday. Obviously not today, but someday.

Keeping this short. I will definately try to make it back here again very soon.