Why Were We Rushing This Morning?

Mommy must tell you she is very sorry that she waited so long to wake you up this morning. She had started reading her morning devotional, when something about what she was ready was just tugging on her. She had to write it down. Now you might not know, well actually you probably do, that Mommy loves to sing, especially Christian Music, though she is not always the best singer around, she can carry a tone. What does this have to do with anything? Well what Mommy was doing was writing down the lyrics to a song. Or at least that is what she hopes it is.

Here it is in its rough from written by your Mommy (Tricia A. Smith) Thursday, May 29, 2008 in Grandma C's home in Oroville, CA. Inspired by Romans 13:8-14(NIV).

Love is the Fulfillment

His love is the fulfillment,

the fulfillment of everything good.

With His love noone is hurting,

His love is the fulfillment of everything good.

Let no debt remain outstanding,

no not even one.

Let no debt remain outstanding,

except the one of love.

For His love is the fulfillment,

the fulfillment of everything good.

With His love noone is hurting,

His love is the fulfillment of everything good.

The time has come to wake up,

to wake up from your sleep.

Because our salvation is nearer,

nearer than when we first believed.

His love is the fulfillment,

the fulfillment of everything good.

With His love noone is hurting,

His love is the fulfillment of everything good.

The night is nearly over,

the day is almost here.

Put aside the things of the darnkess

and put on the armor of God.

For his love is the fulfillment,

the fulfillment of everything good.

With His love noone is hurting,

His love is the fulfillment of everything good.

Let no debt remain outstanding,

no not even one.

Let no debt remain outstanding,

except the one of love.

For His love is the fulfillment,

the fulfillment of everything good.

With His love noone is hurting,

His love is the fulfillment of everything good.

His love is the fulfillment of everything good.

Okay so it may be a little corny, but Mommy really likes it. Now only if she knew someone who could polish up the words and add it to some music. Oh well, it was probably just ment for her heart and mind and not ment for the rest of the world. Mommy knows that it would not have been good for you to be late for school, but sometimes you have to follow where God leads you even when you don't know why or what might come from it. Hoping and Praying that some day you will understand.

New 1 for the Record

New Record: Quickest to Pee diaper so full it over flows to clothing.
Time to Beat: 5 min.
Set By: Zachary Ray Smith

Baby, You simply amaze your mommy some days. Today was one of those days. Mommy had just gotten you out of bed and dressed for the day, including changing your diaper. You walked down the hall and into the living room, right in front of Mommy, you laid down on the floor next to the kitty while mommy took your dirty diaper and threw it in the garbage, mommy turned around and sure enough your pants were wet. Now how the heck did you do that! You had not even had anything to drink yet!!

2 Things @ School

Mommy was at your school 2 times yesterday. It was very interesting both times.

The first time Mommy was at the school she and Grandma C met with your teacher, the school psychologist, and the occupational therapist. Teacher wants you to go into a special extended day program when school starts back up in the fall and this is what the meeting was about. It was such a nice chance to talk with your teacher about how you are doing. She agrees that you should be higher on the spectrum with some of the things you are doing, but that's okay because you still amaze Mommy every day.

Now there was a down side to that meeting. The therapist said that she had already done the evaluation. Now that by itself is not an issue except that the darn lady did not let Mommy know that it was being done. Mommy had wanted to be there to see how things went. Now the therapist does feel that you do need Occupational Therapy, which is what Mommy, Grandma C, and your private Speech therapist have known for quite a while and had been highly recommended by your Dr at the MIND institute for some of your issues and for your sensory integration problems. So Yeah everyone agrees that you need services. That is great. Now here is where another big problem comes in. The therapist's recommendation is for only 15 mins 1 time per week. Now what exactly can you learn and deal with in only 15 mins. And maybe the 15 mins isn't as big of an issue and more that it is only once a week. Mommy would feel better if it were 15 mins 2 times a week. Over the summer you are supposed to be going to an Occupational Therapist that specializes in Sensory Integration. Mommy is really going to push in the fall that you have services 2 times a week, and if you do well over the summer. Mommy is going to really push that the time is longer than 15 mins a session. Both your Teacher and the Therapist seem to think that it is okay to limit your time because of a very limited attention span on your part, well Mommy wonders then how do you particiapte so well in a 50 min, 40 min, and 30 min session of speech therapy every week. Doesn't make sense. Plus the MIND Institute Dr specifically said that you should be receiving services at least 2 times a week for as long as you can handle. So Mommy will keep on top of this don't worry. Everyone wants what is best for you.

After the meeting was over Mommy and Grandma C went out and delivered part of her AVON books. Then Grandpa C came and got Grandma, while Mommy went back to your school for the second time. Now this time she actually went into your classroom. She was so happy to see that one of the Aides in your class is someone she went to Highschool with. They had Mommy scoot in really quick behind you so you couldn't see her. It took about 5 to 10 mins before you realized she was there. You leaned way back over your shoulder and saw her, then got the biggest grin on your face. They quickly had you change places with one of the other students on the other side of the circle so you could see Mommy. You did very well. You were a lot less engaged in the Circle time, but you did not try to get her, which was wonderful. You are growing into a wonderful big boy. When Circle time was over it was time to line up to go outside. You still did not try to get to Mommy, you sat right down on the line with everyone else, waiting to get counted so you could go outside. Mommy went outside with your class. You ran across the playground then came back and finally grabbed her hands, but then you were off and running again. Up and over the grassy mound, over to the climbing set, up the spiral climber, across the set, down the slide, into the "flintstone" style push car, back to the climber, over into the sand box then then Teacher J rang the cowbell that says it is time to get ready to go home. You went right in, didn't even look for Mommy, sat down on the going home line with everyone else, and when Mommy walked into the classroom from outside, you looked up at her and said "Bye, Mommy". You were so sure Mommy was leaving. Little did you know Mommy was taking you home with her. You finished getting your back pack and walking to the bus bench to wait. Several more times you told Mommy bye-bye. Finally before there was a fit because you could not get on the bus to go home,Mommy took you to get into the car. At first, you were not going to go with her, but you did and you got to wave good-bye to the bus driver as she drove by.

Then a wonderful treat, your daddy took you and mommy to Round Table Pizza to have their new buffet.

What a long, but wonderful day. Many things happend. The good and the not so good, but all in all it was an amazing day. You are growing into such an independent little man. Mommy loves you more than words. She screams with joy for your accomplishment, every little step forward is one step closer to things being better, and cries tears of sadness for every little set back, but through the ups and downs one thing will never change Mommy Loves YOU more than anything else and She will ALWAYS be there for YOU. Thank you so much for being such an amazing little person, who one day very soon, sooner than any one realizes, will be an amazing big person.

The Crazy Things that Mommies Wake Up and Think About in the Middle of the Night

With the crazy heat wave that went through the last 2 weeks, You and Mommy have been sleeping in the living room, where it is cooler. Grandpa C has not had the time to get the air conditioner put in the bedroom yet. You have been sleeping on your mini couch that folds out into a bed, and Mommy has been sleeping on the couch.

So when Mommy woke up because she needed to go potty at 5 a.m. on Saturday May 17 and saw you laying so sweet on your bed sound asleep this is what popped into her thoughs:

I spy with my little eye
Someone who likes to sleep all night and play all day.
Who could it be let me say
My special little guy
Zachary Ray!!!!

Okay, so Mommy is really silly, but do you know what that tells her? That your Mommy loves you more than anything, even more than sleeping. Love you little man.

From The Very Beginning (Part 7)

Baby let Mommy tell you again that she is not writing the tough stuff to upset you, but because some of this is important for you to know. Mommy does try to leave out the really difficult stuff or down play it as much as possible. As you get older, Mommy will share more details with you, but for now, this is what you get. (written may 23, 2007)

Slowly Daddy withdrew into himself more and more. Mommy really thought Daddy was mad at her. Not just a little mad, but huge mad. He would not answer her when she talked to him. When he did answer her, he was very short with her. This made Mommy very sad. It got harder and harder to get Daddy's attention and also keeping it once she did get it. When he wasn't drinking, he was very angry. This part of the reason Mommy thought he was mad at her.

One day Daddy said something about hearing dark voices at work. This really scared Mommy, but she didn't know what to do. He said the voice sounded like the voice of an evil bunny character from a horrible movie they had watched. This went on for a little while, then Daddy said that there were lots of people with black eyes. Not just dark eyes, some people do have a very dark brown color to their eyes, but this was not what he was talking about. He really ment that the people's eyes were all dark (black) no white at all. Daddy finally admitted that he had been hearing voices talking to him even when no one was around. So not only was he seeing strange things, he was hearing them too. Talk about very scary stuff. Again Mommy is so glad that you were so very little and will never truely remember what was happening at the time. Sure you will have this to read, and you will have the information the family tells you as you get older, but no real memories or experiences.

Thank goodness at the time Mommy was working for a pretty good company and had medical insurance. Daddy finally realized that there was a real issue going on, and wanted to get. He didn't want Mommy to do it, he wanted to do it himself. Mommy gave him the phone number and he said he would call while she was at work. While he was on the phone with the guy from the insurance, another person called Mommy at work. It was sooo scary. The man said Mommy needed to go home and get Daddy to go to the hospital right away, that the closest one covered by the insurance was over an hour away, but that if she took him to the emergency room they would send him to someplace local and would be covered. By the time Mommy drove home from work, Daddy was out riding his bike. Mommy called Grandma and Grandpa C to watch you while Mommy took Daddy to the hospital.

You and Mommy stayed with Grandma and Grandpa C while Daddy was in the hospital. We went down every otherday to visit. He was there for 2 wks, from July 8 - 22. Because of Privacy issues, the people in the hospital were not telling Mommy anything. She asked for a special form and had Daddy fill it out. This allowed the hospital staff to talk freely with Mommy. Daddy finally came home, but things were just not the same. There were lots of things he was supposed to be doing, but he refused to do them. The dr wanted Daddy to go to anger management, AA, marriage counciling, medication management, and individual counciling. Dr also had given him medicine he was supposed to take and he was not taking it the way the Dr wanted him to.

While Daddy was in the hospital, her work gave her some personal time even though there really wasn't any left because of all the time off she had taken after you were born to spend all the time with you she could. Once Daddy was home Mommy had to go back to work. After 10 days,now into early August, Mommy received a huge package of papers from the hospital. This was full of papers telling about a lot of the things that happened while he was in the hospital. All the things Daddy had told her did not compare to how scary the stuff that was talked about in those papers. Mommy did n't feel safe anymore, especially because Daddy was not doing the things the Dr wanted him to, the way the Dr wanted him to. She went to work and talked to her boss. Let her know what was going on that Mommy had not slept well for over 3 days and had barely eaten anything. Mommy agreed to go to the Dr to get some medicine and stay somewhere other than at home with Daddy.

Mommy did go to the Dr. He gave her some medicine for depression and anxiety. You and Mommy stayed with Grandma and Grandpa C. Daddy was very sad. He wanted You and Mommy at home but that was not going to happen until he did the things the Dr wanted him to do. Mommy gave Daddy lots of chances. To start off with he did not come over to visit you and mommy for over a month. That hurt Mommy very much, but during this time, you and mommy went to visit Auntie AL and her family in Crescent City. That is a beautiful little town in Northern California, on the Pacific Coast right on the ocean. Though it was for a very sad reason, it was a wonderful trip.

Finally Daddy started coming to visit 2-3 days a week in September. Mommy was back off work again. She was going to counciling to help her work through the issues that were going on. Daddy kept thinking you and mommy were just going to go home, that he was not going to have to do the things the Dr wanted him to do. In October Daddy still was not getting that he needed to do the right thing, and that until he did you and mommy were not coming home. This made Daddy very angry. He would still come over to visit with you a couple times a week, but he would not talk to mommy at all. In November, Daddy decided to move in with Grandma S, so now the rest of your stuff had to be moved. Auntie S and Uncle S helped Mommy, Grandma C, and Grandpa C move stuff to the house and to a storage unit. Things continued to go bad. Finally Mommy went to the courthouse and picked up papers because she was going to file for a divorce from Daddy. She did not want to do it, but it seemed that this was the only option of what to do. This happened in January. Mommy went to a special place in Chico to have thme help her fill out the forms because they were confusing. The only thing left to do was to take them back to the courthouse to file them. This made Mommy soooo very, very sad. She never did turn them in. To this day she still has the packet of papers, but could never bring herself to turn them in. It just hurt too much. It really is a good thing that Mommy didn't do that. Then Mommy planned your first birthday and.......

Someone's Belly is Going to Start Growing

After such a busy morning, you will never gues what happened today. On the way home from Chico, Mommy got a message from Auntie S asking if we wanted to go have lunch. Since Mommy had already planned on going out, it sure sounded like fun for the 3 of us all to go. So we dropped Grandma C off at her house since she wasn't feeling well and drove the mile down the road to pick Auntie up at her house. Of course, Mommy is sure you can guess where we went, but she will give you a little hint, it starts with Round, ends with Pizza and says Table in the middle. Of course you know that this is the one of the families favorite place to go out to eat.

After we ordered the food, we were sitting at the table waiting. Auntie handed Mommy a card and says here take a look at this picture. Low and behold, Mommy opened the card and inside there was the most adorable picture she had seen in a while, well except for all of the amazing shots she has taken of you of course. There was an ultrasound picture inside, a special picture taken of the baby that is growing in Auntie's belly. That is right sometime around Thanksgiving there should be a new little cousin for us all to love. We can hardly wait to meet that little bundle of joy.

After lunch, we went and hung out at Auntie's house. She let you touch her belly. She is not really showing yet, but you have been fascinated with bellies for a long time. The next 8 months are going to be the most amazing thing for you to experience. Hopefully Auntie will be patient with you and let you do a lot of belly touching as it grows along the way.

Congratulations Auntie S and Uncle S. We love you and can't wait to meet the new addition to the family.

Ability Grows

Today was another wonderful day for you little man. You, Mommy, and Grandma got up and drove to Chico. Yes, I know, Chico again. But this was different. We went to a wonderful little place called The Litte Red Hen. It is a nursery where they grow all kinds of different plants. There was an extra special reason we were there though. On the 1st and 3rd Saturday of every month, there is a special group that meets there. It is called Ability Grows. Today you got to meet several little boys and girls who have Autism just like you do. There was an art project that Mommy helped you with. It was in honor of Cinco Day Mayo, which is a special Spanish Holiday. I believe to celebrate Mexico's independence, just like the 4th of July is for us in the U.S. The project was to make a little red chili pepper pinata out of green tissue paper and red crepe paper. It turned out really cute. There was also snack, but you only wanted the Razzleberry juice box and that is perfectly okay. You drank the whole thing. But Mommy thinks the most fun you had was playing in the water of the broken facet. It was just a trickle of water, but it was making a beautiful mud puddle, which of course you decided was where you wanted to play. Hey that's okay too. The sensory exploration you got from that was very important. Good thing Mommy thinks ahead. She made sure to pack a change of cloths, to bad she forgot extra socks and shoes.
You had such a good time. Mommy hopes that we can go back in wks. Something to look forward to. YIPPEE!!!!!

The Things that Entertain Us

Zach, you should know, if you don't already that your Mommy is very easily entertained. The simplest things make her happy. She also loves to laugh and that also comes quite easily. Thank goodness you inherited that lightheartedness.

Today you and Mommy went outside in Grandma and Grandpa C's front yard. You slid down the slide while Mommy watched. Mommy chased you, and you chased Mommy too. But the most entertaining thing for both of you was sitting on the ground under the cedar tree, digging your hands in the needles and dirt, and letting it run through your hands like sand. It was just amazing to watch how intreged you were, the wonder in your eyes, the wanting to experience something new, and then the actual action.

Then there was playing peek-a-boo around the tree. The gleam in your eye every time Mommy said "Boo" explained it all, but of course there was that beautiful smile that stretches from ear to ear that was an added benefit.

Thank you for putting a smile on Mommy's face today. You truely are special. Mommy hopes you know that from now until forever.